he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
