Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
