The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
