i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
