We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
