ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
