ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
