I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
