Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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