I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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