You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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