WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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