I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
