dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize