I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
