I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
