I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
