elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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