I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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