Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
