sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
