Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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