I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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