he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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