in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
