I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
