I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
