wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
