I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm going to jail i love you
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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