If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
