i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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