her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
