I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
