I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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