just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize