i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
