We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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