If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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