I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
