Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
