It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
