We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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