My cat gives me a boner
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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