my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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