She is in my trunk
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
