dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My ass is underappreciated
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
