just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize