i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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