Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
