my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
