Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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