the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she smelled like a LAN party
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize