I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
my liver is dry heaving
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
