I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
