I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
