you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
