i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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