We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
