How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You took a bar mat shot.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
