Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
