i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
